How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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