Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
