So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
