I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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