i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
