I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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