im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
