remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
