Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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