that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
