I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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