allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
