lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
