Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You ruined the universe
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
