stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
