I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
