My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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