my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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