i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you will always have a special place in my vag
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
