I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Randomize
