Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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