respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
