forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
