Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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