I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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