Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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