I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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