I think I died a long time ago.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
