My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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