if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When did angry sex become our thing?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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