Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
