did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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