So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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