dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
