you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
