I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
