But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
