just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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