Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
