would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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