You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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