u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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