So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
