I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
