Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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