You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
