Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
