Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize