I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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