true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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