Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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