The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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