I can text with my tongue
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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