I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
