this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
