We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
