Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
