I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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