yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize