I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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