the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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