saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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