I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
