U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
