You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
