I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want a musical about memes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
