Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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