I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
